shrek two:the funniest movie i have ever seen. literally one of the funniest comedies of all time. incredible pacing and dialogue. reference jokes that were actually funny. surreal world that was so modern fantasy it actually worked. rocking score. awesome scene set to "i need a hero" being sung by the villain unironically and completely played straight. a bar of villains. just overall the best concepts ever.
Male Writer:Ah, anniversary jokes are so funny. Because chicks always hate it when you don't remember anniversaries! A plus gold very original
Male Writer:Mother in laws amirite?
Male Writer:My male character who is an author insert of myself pines after a woman I used to pine after in high school. Then they have sex. This is good literature.
Male Writer:Ugh female books are so romance filled
Male Writer:And girl fanfics, so mary suey
Male Writer:Now listen about this original middle aged man who is an expert in everything, suffers from ennui, looks like me, acts like me, and gets all the girls i want.
Male Writer:She was sexy in an alluring, boring way, filled with purple prose and riddled with objectification
Male Writer:If i make a female character parrot my misogynistic views, they cease to be misogynistic! Are you saying you don't respect my fake female characters opinions, feminists?
Male Writer:a good action girl is one who looks hot at all times
Male Writer:If the female main character got in an asskicking line, my work is Feminist with a capital F and no one can criticize me
Specifically White Male Writer:Heroic tropes are so overdone. I'm going to create a boring white guy with stubble to be a completely original antihero no one has ever seen before TM.
Same Guy:It's original because he is a jerk who gets away with bad behavior, just like I wish i could.
Another Specifically White Male Writer:It's in my universe to only have white men do things in my book. I mean, don't you care about historical accuracy
Same Guy:I mean, it's a generic fantasy verse with no real life time period equivalent and i haven't done any research, but i'm SURE that it's historically accurate. To that dark mideval dragon fighting europe period
Same Guy:Where in Europe? Who cares!
Male Writer:There is no better way to introduce a female character to a male character than by him saving her.
Male Writer:Characters hating each other is good sexual tension!
Male Writer:One female character and five male characters is a good team balance
Male Writer:If my female character chooses to act in a sexist tropey way, it's not sexist. In fact, because she CHOSE to do it, it is Feminist.
i just watched the 2005 pride and prejudice FOR THE FIRST TIME and i am UNBELIEVABLY DELICATE ABOUT IT. i didn’t think i had it in me to care about regency era straights but HERE I AM, mascara stained and HIGHLY ATTACHED. when he flexed his hand after touching her i LITERALLY FELT GRAVITY ABANDON ME. 2005 was so long ago what have i been DOING that was MORE IMPORTANT THAN THIS MOVIE? NOTHING
when i was around 5 i asked my mom why “some people were different colors” and she said “because god wanted lots of flavors” and let me tell you that was the wrong thing to say because for the next 3 years i thought god ate people when they died
[sweats nervously] d-did somebody say…girls? [wipes forehead] wowie uh, well, I, uh…[fans self] whoa well yes I-I guess, uh..[tugs at shirt collar] I guess they’re, y’know…um[dumps a bucket of water on self] kinda pr-pretty, um..[crawls into a pool of cold water] pretty neat and um..[falls on face] really cute
do u know why teachers do this… they do this all the time im tiiired of it in history one year we had debates about something regarding the us’s habit of fucking over other countries and i was on the team debating the merits of the u.s.’s involvement in iran but to make it more difficult for me he put me on the side supporting the u.s.’s actions like???
i get that, like i get the whole “it’ll be too easy for u to talk about something u already know so much/care so much about,” kind of? what i don’t get is WHY DO ASSIGNMENTS LIKE THIS HAVE TO EXIST IN THE FIRST PLACE
i have to write an entire essay right now bc i didn’t do it last night and the whole POINT OF THE ESSAY IS JUST BULLSHITTING AN ESSAY BASICALLY the assignment is literally, word for word, “write an ‘argument’ against same-sex marriage using at least four of the fallacies we’ve been studying” like he flat out said WRITE A BAD ESSAY but oh m ygodd
senior year of high school i had the battiest old lady for my ap lit class and we had to get up and present a poem and i totally forgot to memorize one so i got up in the front of the room and recited “hotel california” word for word with a straight face and everyone was like cracking up and the teacher gave me a hundred for being “insightful and poetic”